nightmares

Sleep tortured me that night.
It sat in the corner of the room and watched as I curled myself as tight as I could and tried to somehow wipe my mind of the all the mess. When sleep finally dragged me under it stabbed at my skin with memories and flickering images until I woke, my body sweating and aching whilst I tried to cry quietly so I didn't wake K.
I saw dawn seep under the curtains, marking the beginning of a new day. I blinked, my eyes felt so sore, I brought my hand up to touch my face and could feel the make-up and tears smeared across my skin. It even hurt to swallow. I wanted water, wanted it so badly everything burned. But I couldn't move. Yesterday I couldn't stay still, didn't want to just stop, but now, my bones felt like somebody had hollowed them out and filled them with sand whilst I drowned in my sleep.
I don't know how long I stayed staring at the floor. When I heard K's alarm I finally breathed in as much as I could and turned over onto my back, stretching out my cramped limbs and wincing as the pain gnawed through my mussels.
I must have dozed whilst K was in the shower, because I woke with such force when she opened the curtains, letting the white light spill through the window and over me, drenching me in cold reality.
I closed my eyes and allowed myself to remember, just for a moment.
I remembered him sitting up in bed reading a book about some philosopher...the way I would roll over and let my hand rest on his chest whilst I drifted in and out of warm sleep to the sound of him turning the pages.
Stop.
Just stop.
I begged myself to stop thinking of all the good times, but it was no use. I wanted to run back.
But something, something somewhere deep down at the very back of me knew I was there for a reason. That reason might have been lost to me right then, but the reminder of it's existence was just enough.
'Will you go to work?' K asked.
I shook my head.
'Are you going to your parents?'
I swallow hard. 'I need to tell my mum. I'll leave now with you and drive to their house.'
As I get into my car fresh tears fall. I start the engine and whisper to myself.
'Hey mum, guess what? I'm moving back in.'